August Already

Time has had a strange way of moving lately; something I swear I just promised ends up being months overdue, I keep telling people “good morning!” well into the afternoon… my to-do list is growing and expanding to the point where it can never be complete (perhaps a blessing, perhaps an endless distraction.) People have come into my life and people have left, and still I wish I had more to talk about with the ones who have remained constant.

My birthday is at the end of the month, I’ll be 29. August is also the month I moved to Baltimore, I was 17 at the time. I’ve been here 11 years now. I have this feeling theres better places for me out there, but finding one has been hard. I visited the ocean recently, it made me realize how much I miss space. I miss living where I can see the horizon and the sky feels big.

I renewed my passport, which I carelessly let expire over quarantine. I took my own passport photos. I tried to make them look like the ones I used to take for people when I worked at a photo lab. Sending in the renewal package was a relief, as if its a step towards feeling less stuck here, in some way or another…

So much of what I’ve been interested in lately revolves around freedom. It’s something I’ve only recently come to realize. I bought a 1978 Peugeot moped and relined the gas tank, reupholstered the seat, replaced the tires, chain, and saddle bags, and although it was running great before, it gave out on me on its first real ride. I had to take a break from trying to fix whatever might be wrong with it. This object intended to make me feel free has been another endless project I feel so close but so far from finishing.

(text is from The Ethics of Ambiguity by Simone de Beauvoir)

I’m still working on finishing up my new website and shop, I think its once of those things that I was to be very perfect, but I should probably let go of a little bit. Blending my fine art work and practice with my more commercial and commissioned work is also very stressful too, in an existential sort of way. I’m working towards some sort of singularity between them, always dreaming about what that could look like; making the work I care about, that I need to make, and that also affords me a living… I’ll be sure to update everyone when thats done though, feel free to look at whats in progress periodically though, I’ll be working on it the next few days to week and you can see my process. (I’ve switched themes and started over 4 times already…)

Thank you so much for reading and I plan on sending out more of these in the future- this blog post is also a newsletter you can subscribe to- if you really enjoyed this and want to contribute to my film fund, you can always leave a tip. <3

<3 LB

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